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About John
John was born on December 20, 1969 and grew up on a parsnip farm in Gargeenustan. In Pennsylvania at the age of 7, John had built a fully functioning nuclear reactor and was raided by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission in 1977. John got a little angry about that, so they hopped on a cargo train and ransacked the Headquarters in North Bethesda, Maryland. John stole a whole crap load of office supplies and government documents and was on the lam until they were 9, when on January 17, 1979 they travelled by cargo plane to the enrichment facility at Kahuta, Pakistan, that worked to produce enriched uranium using gas centrifuge technology. John worked for the Pakistani government until they turned 16 in 1985, when Alfredo, a friend of John for many years, contacted John via homing pigeon, alerting John of an urgent situation unfolding in Batavia, IL. John recieved the memorandum and swiftly requested a biplane, Pakistani officials granted the request, they exchanged farewells and John was off. Once John had landed in Batavia, IL, they found Alfredo at the business Alfredo was starting, a grocery store chain called AllDee Foods Inc. "We have almost Alldee foods!" or AllDee for short. Long story short AllDee Foods got sued by Aldi. Alfredo then explained to John that this was not the reason they summoned John to Batavia, Alfredo had discovered that ancient texts revealed that Batavia, IL is the place of origin for the ancient proto-language Mantong. More information is coming soon on John, we have highly competent professionals researching this topic 24/7 and we are consulting JOHN personally which is a huge honour bestowed upon us!